11.18.07

percio sono indignato con me stesso. i non sara mai una tale persona dando nuovamente per un tempo molto lungo. cio che uno spreco di tempo, sforzi, e di coraggio...

:: guarda al precedente entrate ::

che cosa e stata la scopata i pensando? ovviamente ero mettersi secondaria... altre notizie, ho scesa in amore con il poker e sono stati in molti a lungo mettendo sessioni. ho anche riuniti con alcuni vecchi amici... che e sempre rinfrescante... essere in colorado la prossima settimana per qualche incontro familiare per il ringraziamento, poi volare a vegas per alcuni giorni dopo. godere di viaggio percio sono sempre felice per verificare nuovi posti... dovrebbe essere divertente.

...ah si, e mi ha guardato marilyn saw 4 una settimana fa... non e stato un bene.

8.17.07 12:12AM

my queen of hearts is mad at me =( when's she's mad at me i become miserable... and things begin to go wrong thru out my day. i went to mcdonalds and paid w/ da debit card, after mcdonalds i went to get some gas, once again w/ the debit card. i get home w/ my food, n put it on the kitchen counter. i start checkin' my pockets to find my card, i can't find it... i start trippin' out... in a frenzy i go downstairs to look in the car .. it's not there... ugh.. so i decide to go back to the gas station just to make sure i didn't leave it on top of the pump or somethin'... as soon as i get there.. the usual bum asks me for change... n when i tell him no, he asks for a cigarette.. wtf.. man... livin' in downtown makes ya wanna quit smokin on it's own.. i get tired of denyin' all the bums for change and cigarettes!.... anyways.. my card is not there. i get back home... come back upstairs.. and waddaya know.. it's rite next to the mcdonalds bag on the counter.. . fackin' figures. see wat misery does to you? lol possibly it always has u assumin' the worst.

to add insult to injury... she calls me midday... practically still asleep i somehow answer.. only to remember hearin' the words "go back to sleep"... ok! so i do... i wake up a few hours later only to see a txt on my fone... that she wanted to hang out n shiet... but pretty much she's back to bein' mad at me again... i guess i wasn't dreamin' when i answered my fone, cuz that was my assumption before i seen her txt...

it sux havin' to go to sleep knowin' yo baby be mad at u... it's nearly impossible to sleep actually. i have no clue how i usually end up fallin' asleep... but eventually i do... im hopin' that's not the case tonight. especially since we've been gettin' along wonderfully this past week.. makes it even more nervewrackin' and miserable. fack.

8.13.07 :: SACRIFICE

about a week ago i'm headed home on my bike (no pedals this time) @ aroudn 1:30am.... and i feel somethin' on my thigh.... it's hard to tell if that's soemthin' vibratin' from the bike, or someone callin' me.. so this time... i immediately pull my bike over.... and answwr my fone only to be too late...

it happened to the Queen of Hearts (y'kno from alice n wonderland)...surprisin' she's callin' the Sickz of Spades. i call her back.... no answer... fack!.... so i'm sittin' there on the curb @ a gas station...smokin' a newport, doin' my best to think myself back into some form of comfort... since Ms Hearts... has been beatin' me up lately w/ her heart scepter, ruthlessly.

my fone rings!.. i answer... we talk..

...just over an hour passed b4 we finally hung up.

i realized that was the longest i've ever talked to her on the fone in our whole lil relationship (im hardly a fone person). and it occured to me that i was still sittin' on a curb, in the wee hours of the night, w/ my helmet n my lap n jacket still on. even my parked bike was tauntin' me from nearby, cuz i'd rather ride my bike than get pussy.

it dawned on me while walkin' back to my tauntin' bitch of a bike, that if you make someone a priority they'll be more than willin' to make you happy.

so i made an effort, to change.

8.3.07

10.3.06

so the other day i decided to ride the bicycle... to do a few senseless errands.. and on my way i crossed by a park w/ a pond... which has ducks... i remembered .. n decided to check it out since i aint seen that park up close for years... so i ride over to the pond to see wsup w/ the ducks... and i spot this compeltely white duck.. chillin' off to the side... outside da pond where the dirt is.. just standin' there w/ his beak up his butt.... the closer i get... the absolutely nothin' it does.... mmk .. somethin's wrong.. so i sit down next to the duck... n the fact the duck is still there... w/o wobblin' out one step to elude my presence... has me eyeballin' him over to see if he's got all 2 of his legs n wings.. y'know.. well apparently..

it's all there... and the duck just looks frustrated... he eventually lookz like he's gon take a step.. but stutters.. n tips over n falls on his beak.. . or on his tail. usin' either to push himself back up onto his feet... well.. now i udnerstand... the pond is over there... the duck is over here.. and he's... well.. fucked..

so i'm debatin' to myself.. if i should pick the duck up n put him by the water.... to see if he can swim away... but i really didn't wanna interfere... cuz y'know the strong survive and the weak perish..... and if this duck wants to heal... and overcome.. he gotta walk his ass over to that pond on his own.. despite the pain and struggle.. well.. after tryin to encourage.. n cheer him on.... for a good 5 min.... the duck still hasn't managed one step.. not one.. just a stumble forward then back up on his feet... was all he could muster...

a good 20 minutes goes by.. while i actualyl take the oppurtunity to look at a duck up close... as i've never before.. and was quite fascinated by this beautiful animal... but he's strugglin'... fuck... no one's really around. i give in...and havin' never touched a duck, let aloen pick one up... 1 grabbed him w/ both hands from underneath cuppin' hi wings as well as i could... n shiiiiiit.. that duck weighs a lot more than his feathers tell ya!... so i get him an inch away from the pond w/ his webs just now at the moist edge... maybe that'll encourage him to try now...

so the only difference now is that when he falls on his damn beak... it's surrounded by water... great... fine. so i pick him up and put him further out in the pond.. up to the beginnig of his feathers... hopin' this lil nigga could just float off y'know.. n paddle hismelf in a circle or somethin' w/ one foot.... to my surprise he just stood there flappin' his wings frustrated... fuck duck...

so i pick up the weak soul n put him back where i found him... n accomplished a whole lot of nothing... except leavin' my human scent to lurk on his feathers now (if that myth holds true... n the havoc it can wreck among his buddies, which i doubt)... i kinda nudge his neck tellin' him.. y'kno.. chin up duck.. n walked away w/ my bicycle...

hours later on my way home... i couldn't help but check up on da weak soul.. n see if he's taken a step or two.. or vanished... nope.. i could see his fully white feathered strugglin' self from the street.. doin' a whole lot of nothing really... except two steppin' like he's prolly been.. and injury to insult all his buddies aren't to be seen... i dunno if they on the other end of the pond.. but it is rather dark now... and couldn't help but feel for this duck, weak soul or not. i wished him good luck, and lots of it.. and headed home.

9.25.06 430am

a female made me mad today. amen.

1.2.06

awhile back i used to have a good friend... his name.. alex. a russian guy.... even somewhat fobby... but so smart. well that's a given he's russian.. anyways.. i always asked him various programmin'/database questions when i would get stumped... eventually... i felt bothersome naggin' him w/ every lil feeble dilemma i found myself in.. and started findin' answers.. or searchin' for them.. in groups.google.com..

so one day we were talkin'... and i merely stated i gt most of my info from googleGroups... because i began to defend my point in a lil debate we were havin' w/ what someone had stated there... and i eventually came ou w/... "well.. it must be good.. it was in google groups.. good programmers post there"... and alex fired back with...

"good programmers don't have time to post"

so all these "Projects" i involve myself in... bikes... cars.... electronics... psychology.. programmin'.. i'v always had thoughts of y'kno.. documentin' it.. puttin' it up on the "web" for all to see... but... guess i lost the show n tell mood somewhere in 1st grade...

which prolly explains why i seldomly give the play by play on what's goin' on in my everyday mayhem....

but in other news.. i must add.. that it's rainin' now.. and has been for the past few days on and off.. and i have this fixation for ridin' my bike in the rain... i think it has sometihn' to do w/ the fact it's so easy to lose control while keepin' it under control... i could literally spin the rear tire from one end of the valley to the other when it's rainin'... havin' the will to slide the bike around... gettin a lil sideways.. w/o much effort at all... is just relaxin' i suppose... but yea.. so that's pretty much what i was doin' at one point earlier today... for a good 45 min or so... if helmets came w/ windshield whipers i'd prolyl still be out there.. but lack of vision becomes a problem...

but i do get a chuckle outta the ppl that gawk at you like you're so goddamn outta ur mind... that ya never left it to begin with.. i mean ya gotta love it... ridin' in the rain is the only time you'll get them middle aged folks watchin' ya ride... instead of the usual lil kids... and teeny boppers...

but oh man... lil kids... are the best... ya get that front wheel in the air for them.. and they react as if they just saw superman slidin' down their chimney w/ presents. makes me smile.

11/1/05

so i decided to pick up marilyn.... to keep her away from boredom.. this past friday.. so i get alllll cleaned up, sharp, n suave lookin' (uh huh)... n scooped up the lagger..... sooOOo... i drop off some commodity at my boys pad and we head for sunset.... only to say hello to traffic!.....then we wind up at the ATM.. where i'm perfectly parked... prior to marilyn unfoldin' some devestatin' news that vin diesel is possibility bi or gay.. ouch.

Sooooo we head off to citywalk after droppin off my boy.. to go check out a movie... citywalk was fun... but embarrassin' marilyn.... is a lot more fun... not my fault ppl break their necks to look at this lil souther belllle... soooo.. after raisin' hell thru out various stores... we go see Saw II... mmmm yea... just shy of oscar material if i do say so myself...oh yes. marilyn was quite scared the whole time.. until she foudn rescue w/ her slimey pieces of chicken.... mmmmmm....

well kinda... i made the mistake of eatin' one (she kept encouragin' me) that she was holdin'... saturated in some fuckin' spice. that had my taste buds on fire for a good 20 minutes.... bein' the good sport at sufferin' that i am...i didn't... sooooo after the future oscar nominee movie... we rolled thru some canyons... which apparently marilyn hasn't seen.. so she was scared once again... so after the rollercoaster on wheels... back to my garage for some steamy hot sex...... well... w/ my bike... watched marilyn n Aprilia... get it on... a bit.... and

even had the honor of chauffeurin' marilyn to a grocery store so she could piss!! whoop whoop. let me tell u.. this girl.. always has this devious fuckin' smirk on her face.... i mean ALWAYS.... either someone forgot to tell her to stop doin' that cuz it'll stay like that forever... or she just wicked and twisted....soooo....took marilyn home... played mr Father Sickz... n had her confess a few 'uh ohs' for fun... while avoidin' drivin' into a concrete wall (i got skills like that).... we had a great time though... (except when she kept tryin to confiscate my cancer sticks) and bein' the sentimental person marilyn is.. she's left w/ two movie tickets.. and a mental image of hello kitty puffin' a bluuuuunttt......

4.22.05

i hate writin' in this mothafucka... i'm never consistant w/ it. mmm lesse... yea i been stickin' to my superdiet. ha. i been ridin' a lot.. workin' on cpixel version 2 a lot more.. and sleepin' a lot less.. shiet. oh well.

so ... i've decided to stay out in here in L.A. for atleast the first half of summer.. before i switch it up and head out to houston. main reason bein' i have tickets for motoGP @ laguna seca (monterey, ca).. and that's in early july.. and it wouldn't make much sense to fly back from tx to go up north to see that.. and there's no way i'm missin' that! fuck no. not to mention summer out here in L.A. is gonna be fuckin' crackin'... so gotta stay for that... pz!

3/11/05

things are right on schedule... w/ my "experiment"... today.. i ate at dennys... lumberjack slam.. mmm.. my boy made my get wheat bread.. instead of white bread.. whatever that means, but he's the health nut, so i'll take his word on it... then we got into an arguement over egg yolks.. ha ha.. anyways.. i had about 3 litres of water today... and durin' my 4 glass water consumption at dennys.. my boy told me.. u could die from drinkin' too much water... supposely causin' kidney failure... but said not to worry as the amount to cause that... isn't newhere near an amount someone should be worried about.. as far as otha shiet i consumed today... mm.. 3 djarum special cigs, 6 newports, 3 bowls of oatmeal, 3 apples, 4 oranges, and 3 bowls of "mixed vegetables".... nasty

as for my face/body.... managed to exercise n shiet today... and my face is finally startin' to become oily.. which is a good thing.. it's also becomin' irritated in certain areas... which is a good thing, since it's not used to not bein' washed w/ soap etc... by tomorrow the oil all over my face should be gone... and i'll give it anotha few days to adapt to the changes.. and set in back to normal.. n finally take a shower which i'm dyin' to do... n wash my face w/ cold water... damn that should feel good...

my bike managed to pop the sparkplug out again twice today after i loc-tite'd it in place earlier... so much for that idea... good thing i got a "fix all" toolkit i put together in the back of my bike... cuz i had to tighten the sparkplug back in as tight as it would go.. which is practically loose anyways... then i ziptied the ignition lead which plugs into it.. to the engine plug so it had constant tension on it to keep it from poppin' out... 1 mile away from home on the freeway i had to give it a bit too much RPM (was keepin' it under 5k RPMs) to avoid the usual power mom.. and POP came out. i said fuck it,.. n made a mad dash for home on 3 cylinders.. while soundin' like a harley.. hopin' the plug didn't shoot out onto the valve cover.. possibly causin' a fire w/ me on it.. whooptie.. sooo.. the threads on cylinder #3 are done... crossthreaded to shit.. i can either fix the threads w/ a helicoil or some shiet. which involves takin' off the damn head.. arg.. or i'll just do this... jbweld the mothafucka in place.. lol.. and look for an 88-89 gsxr (better flowing) head in the meanwhile.. this way i can still ride... and upgrade to better in the meanwhile..

3/10/05

i just got back from... 'bikenight' ::rolls eyes:: it was whatever. one of the sparkplugs on my bike managed to pop out of it's seat.. so that caused some problems.. i dunno how this happened.. but my guess is from comin' down from all the stoppies i've been doin' lately... musta jiggled it loose.. and comin' off the 10 west fwy.. i here BAP BAP BAP BAP .. bike sounded like a harley.. yet it still idled... so i pulled over at the gas station w/ everyone (musta been 200 bikes rolling).. and i see my sparkplug wire flingin' around.. w/ the plug in it... that's nice.. couldda started a damn fire... so i managed to fix that at the gas station and came home before my luck got any worse.

as far as my lil experiment is going.. iv'e managed to drink about 3-4 liters of water today.. jeezus... haven't had a drop of soda! whoop whoop... even exercised some earlier so i could make myself sweat (this is important). i tried to run around the block.. but i ended up walkin' 3/4 of the way.. must be from the smokin' ha ha.. i ate all kinds of "good" food.. fruit, vegetables, and rice... quite fuckin' nasty. i haven't taken a shower (i can't for 2 more days)... and haven't washed my face either. i got about 4-5 hours of ridin' in throughout the day as well... we'll see wat day 2 brings..

3/9/05

ok well... after the houston trip... i've decided i needed some change. i took a look at myself when i got back from houston this is wat i noticed. i have waaaaaaaaaaay too many bad habits.. i mean way too many. i was lookin' at myself in a pic from a few years ago and lookin' at myself at da pics from da party... thinkin'.. goddamn.... straight up culmination of my bad habits... because my "appearance" has been on a decline for the past 2yrs or so...

i've been so caught up in the "computer revolution" thing for the past 3 years, that my health has just taken a complete U TURN... my health, habits, actions, skin, eyes, vision, feeling... everything has suffered for what... for the fuckin' GREEN. basically was lookin' at these pics n sayin' to myself.. DAMN i belong in CT (Cracktown)... just don't look good/healthy at all... added w/ the extra stress of bein' on a damn PLANE... omg... bad bad, hate planes...

so this is what i've been doin in my daily life: