why i do... what i do:
i've put myself thru intentional hell and heaven.. to better myself as a person. i believe that betterin' yourself, is becomin' well rounded durin' ur time that ur physically alive. i've been usin' myself as an experiment for such agony (for the most part).. for the past 10 years. why.. i don't know.. probably to pass what i've learned down to other people and help them along their difficult times.. as i've been thru .... more than most would really like to know..
an easy way to understand my thinkin' on the well rounded approach.. is to think of specialists.. like doctors. say you have a neurologist and a peditrician.. both are doctors.. and do the doctor thing equally well.. but one focuses on brains while the other sticks children. can someone do both aspects equally well? yes.
if you wanna try this on your own... go ahead.. it's not easy... and takes a lot of discipline. make urself ugly...do what u do normally... but make sure ur appearance is "ugly". live like that for a few months... or a year if u'd like.. then live the other side of the coin. living "good looking".. you'll experience many many many things on both sides... that'll further ur development into becomin' a well rounded person.. it takes guts.. but in the long run, it'll benefit you.. and everyone around you... when you've experience both.. eventually u can mesh the "good" and the "bad" together.. from BOTH sides.. which will leave you with "better".. if u wanna be a step ahead .. you have to take a step back.. first...
i've tested these things for years... hard to believe i know... but readin' in medical labs on "research" done by doctors from 1936 just doesn't do it for me. i need to see for myself.. experience for myself.. and write about my conclusions ... by myself...
my mom wouldn't even believe me if she read this.. although she does... she'd wonder why i do that to myself... but it's all in hopes by age 30.. i'll be more well rounded than a circle in photoshop. i've had myself on an diet of disgusting food, sweets, iodine infested shit... further would wash my body and face all the time, scrubbin', infectin' and makin' the problem worse as can be.. to maximize the effect... for months... just so i could obliterate my skin, my appearance.. everything "physical" about myself... for the purpose of experiencin' the ugly when encounterin' other people. yea.. ppl will "hate"... will talk behind ur back.. and the list goes on.. it's brutal... but it's for purpose...
i've switched it up... and put myself on regiments to make myself the most physically glowin' attractive lookin' "10" in los angeles known to a modelin' agent... just to see what's on that side of the coin as well... both have their benefits and drawbacks.. but meshin' the two is key.. when it comes to that aspect of urself...
there's been times where i would not shave for months.. 3 months is my record.. for the same occurance... there'd be a year where i would shave daily... year where i wouldn't associate w/ females... and do my own thing... years where everyday the focus was females... gotten intentionally "locked up".. y'kno in county jail.. to see if i could unjail myself mentally.. to see if "jail" could be fun.. and it can be... cuz i've done it both ways.. locked up for 4 months when i didn't want to be and locked up for weeks when i wanted to... one was fun one fuckin' sucked... so if i ever happen to get locked up again... i'll have the experience of knowin' it can be fun when i am.. and it won't affect me.
the main idea is to see the "good" from all angles.. good and bad.. the good will change from whichever angle you'll lookin' at it from.. so if u want the good from angle A.. u gotta experience angle A.. if u want it from angle B.. experience angle B.. if the bad from A is good in B... u'll know because they're both related (they're letters of the alphabet).. so it's still good...
formulas: